|
|
Post by SoulOfEdge on Nov 19, 2005 21:46:31 GMT -5
*I actually had a story planned out, but that fell through after I forgot most of what I wanted to put, so here's just a bunch of scenes in the order that I remember them*
*Everyone is now in history class*
Teacher - Okay, class, does anyone else need to give their history report?
*The teacher looks around. Nadeem, holding a messy stack of papers, is waving his hand*
Teacher - Anyone? Anyone at all?
*Nadeem struggles to move his hand higher*
Teacher - Anyone? Anyone?
Nadeem - Mmph! Mmph! Reportreportreport!
Teacher - Okay, fine. Nadeem?
*Nadeem bounds up to the front of the class, ready to inform the class of the truth about nLgga history. He spreads out a hand-drawn map on the chalkboard and turns to the class with a stearn look in his face*
Nadeem - Today my report is on the true history of the nLgga. Now, history books will tell you that the first nLggas were discovered in Africa. Trickery Trickery! The first nLggas were actually found to the West of Africa, here in NLgganLggaland! Here, life for the sexy nLgga was prosperous, with jerseys and durags for all! But there was something missing! There were only sexy nLggas on the island with no one to love them! But one day, the sexy nLggas were exploring the island, when they found something that made their nLgga hearts skip a beat! A tribe of Paki boys! The Paki Boys immediately took to the nLggas, and the two tribes came together, in love and nLgga sex! There were hard times, where there were not enough jerseys to go around, but the love between nLggas and Paki boys held strong! BUT THEM THE WHITE PEOPLE CAME! The took the sexy nLggas away on the boats and the Paki boys were left all alone! And now the white people want to rewrite the nLgga history to keep them away from the Paki boys! NLggas and Paki boys were meant to be! it is in the nLgga history HISTORY!
*Nadeem looked to see everyone gone*
Nadeem - Hm?
|
|
|
|
Post by SoulOfEdge on Nov 19, 2005 22:22:08 GMT -5
*Nadeem is sitting in his living room about to watch a tape*
Nadeem on TV - This is Nadeem and the I Love Billy Gunn Show! Billy Billy! Today we will show the Best of Billy Gunn! Here we go!
*Suddenly, images of Billy and Chuck's Smackdown wedding comes on. Nadeem is shocked to see Billy Gunn about to marry Chuck Palumbo. He runs out of the room as the video cuts back to Nadeem doing something unmentionable*
Nadeem on TV - Hm? Nlgga nLgga?
*Meanwhile, Nadeem runs outside and gets on his tar-covered bike. Slowly he chugs off towards the interstate. As he pulls up to the toll booth, a middle aged female troll opens th window*
Nadeem - Let me in! I must save the Billy Gunn!
Troll - Son, I can't even begin to tell you every reason why I can't let you on the toll road.
Nadeem - You do not understand! Billybillybillybillybilly!
Troll - Look, for one, you're riding a bike covered with tar. Do I really need to go past that?
Nadeem - But the Billy Gunn! He is going to marry the CHuck Palumbo! I must save Billy Billy!
*The troll, already indifferent about letting anyone else through, gave up and let him pass. Slowly he chugged down the highway, panting "Billy Gunn!" as he went. Somehow he found his way onto the opposite side of the highway as a semi was coming toward him. Nadeem did not notice as all he saw was stopping Billy's wedding. The semi noticed Nadeem, but when he swerved to avoid him, the semi instead continued to roll down the highway, this time on it's side. The semi took out every car in it's path but passed harmlessly over the four foot target of Nadeem on his bike. Destruction continued for about a mile as Nadeem struggled for each inch he gained. Later, the Live Action New Crew was on the scene of the disastrous crash*
Some reporter - John, I'm here live on the scene of this horrendous accident. I'm being told that one of the survivors is riding north on a bike.
*The reporter walks to Naddem, easily going double his speed*
Nadeem - Billy Gunn!*Pant*Billy Gunn!*Pant*Billy Gunn!*Pant*Billy Gunn!
Reporter - Excuse me, sir, cal you tell us what happened here?
Nadeem - I must save the Billy Gunn!
Reporter - You heard it here, John. He must save the Billy Gunn.
Nadeem - I am coming Billy Billy!
2 DAYS LATER
*Nadeem is about 5 feet further from where the reporter interviewed him*
2WEEKS LATER
*Nadeem is coming up to a building*
Nadeem - Gund Arena!
*Nadeem rolled up to the place of Billy Gunn's wedding even though 1) He was watching a tape of the wedding, 2) The entire event was fixed, and 3) The building was a high school gymnasium. He burst through the doors, but saw nothing. Defeated, he walked outside and dropped to mhis knees*
Nadeem - NOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! BIIIIIIIIIILYYYYYYYYYYY GUUUUUUUUUUUNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Sherpa - NADEEM! GET OVERE HERE RIGHT NOW! YOUR COCKROACH LOAF IS GETTING COLD!
*The camera pans out to reveal Nadeem's house about 120 feet away*
|
|
|
|
Post by SoulOfEdge on Nov 19, 2005 23:02:08 GMT -5
*Julius Thompson was going to be the next big name in R&B. His single, "I just want commitment' was already tearing up the charts, and he was gaining a loyal fan following, including the one fan nobody wanted. One night, he was sitting on a couch watching football, when he all of a sudden, he heard a rustling in the bushes. He got up and looked outside, but saw nothing. He also didn't notice Nadeem sneaking up behind him and catching him with a fishing net.
Then he blacked out for a bit.
When Julius woke up, he saw himself sitting in front of a TV. He tried to remember how he got here, when he started to hear music. That wedding song. He looked around, and out of the corner of his eye. Someone walking toward him wearing his bedsheets. He feared the worst. A Klan attack? Jealous lover? Every thoiught passed through his head except one. When the figure approached him and removed the hood, it exceeded his worst fears*
Nadeem - SEXY NLGGA!
*The nLgga let out the most deafening of screams*
Nadeem - No, nLgga nLgga, there is no reason to scream! Today is a happy nLgga day! I want to commit to you nLgga!
*Nadeem went over and pressed play on the VCR under the tv. Another Nadeem appeared on the TV*
TV Nadeem - Hello, sexy nLggas! We are gathered here today to marry Nadeem to this sexy nLgga! Naddem, do you take this nLgga to be your lawful wedded nLgga?
Nadeem - NLgga nLgga!
TV Nadeem - And do you, sexy nLgga, take this Paki boy to be your lawful wedded wife?
Julius - Hell no!
*TV Nadeem gets a suprised look on his face*
TV Nadeem - NO, NLGGA NLGGA! YOU MUST MARRY NADEEM! NLGGANLGGANLGGANLGGANLGGA!
Nadeem - No, Nadeem, you must finish the ceremony! CEREMONY!
*While TV Nadeem was overeacting and Nadeem mwas trying to calm him down, Julius managed to scoot away, leaving Nadeem to yell at a TV*
|
|
|
|
Post by SoulOfEdge on Nov 20, 2005 0:59:44 GMT -5
*Billy Gunn stepped out into the night. Another day, another 3 TNA shows. Billy walked across the parking lot to his motorcycle. Nash parked across 2 spaces again. Fuckin Nash. As Billy was walking, the wind picked up, and he heard something in the distance, like the ringing of a bike bell. Billy hastened his pace, hoping to get home and get some sleep. Then the wind picked up even harder, and Billy swore he could hear "NLgga nLgga nLgga." Then, he saw a figure appear behind him and took off running. He could swear he felt the presence of true Smells behind him. And then the presence spoke*
Smells presence - No, Billy Gunn wait!
*And Nadeem suddenly appeared wearing what seemed to be the top of a mop and a purple curtain with flowers on it. Billy jumped on his bike and sped off, with Nadeem not quite equaling his speed on his tar-encrusted bike*
Nadeem - No, Billy Gunn, wait! I must have the sexy Billy sex with the sexy Billy Billy!
*Billy saw a sign that said "Construction Site." Figuring this would be a good way to lose Nadeem, he made the left turn into the site. Nadeem gave chase. Billy saw a bunch of cases of dynamite, then noticed a strategically placed detonator. Using an exceptional amout of skill, Billy drove off a ramp, hit the detonator with his foot and sped out of the site just as Nadeem was making his way in. The crates of dynamite began to explode as Nadeem was riding through them. But as Billy was riding away, the explosions launched Nadeem right into Billy's lap with most of his dress missing*
Nadeem - BILLY BILLY!
*Showing a complete lack of the motorcycle skill he showed earlier, Billy spun out and crashed, sending Nadeem flying in one direction and Billy flying into one of the support towers for the bridge over New Jersey's Just A Pit Of Tar. Billy quickly regained his senses and climbed the tower. But when he reached the top, he saw that the only way down was a cable stretching to the shore of the tar. Suddenly, Nadeem appeared behind him and Billy was so frightened he couldn't move*
Nadeem - At last we are together Billy!
*And Nadeem makes his way toward Billy with his arms outstretched. Billy looked behind him and had to decide between jumping, and a fate worse than death. Billy decided to take the risk. He took off his jacket, swung it around the cable and started sliding down*
Nadeem - BILLY BILLY!
*And Nadeem jumped after Billy, grabbing on to his foot*
Nadeem - Billybillybillybillybillybillybilly!
*Nadeem manages to pull himself up to Billy's leg and starts going*
Nadeem - Humphumphumphumphumphumphumphumphumphumphump!
*Billy freaks out and almost lets go, but instead pulls out a tazer and zaps Nadeem, who lets go and falls*
Nadeem - Billybillybillybillybilly!
*And with that, Billy crash lands on the shore while Nadeem falls in the tar. Billy lays on the ground, staring into the tar, when all of a sudden, a tar monster leaps ot of the tar and right at Billy. Billy cowers in fear, but Nadeem the tar monster doesn't quite reach him. Instead, the tar drags Nadeem down into it's tar depths*
Nadeem - NOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! BIIIIIIIIIIIIIIILLLLLLLLLLLLLLYYYYYYYYYYYYY GUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
*Billy just stares into the tar that now holds Nadeem*
|
|
|
|
Post by SoulOfEdge on Nov 20, 2005 1:31:37 GMT -5
*The garage opens up and Nadeem put up a valiant struggle to get his bike out of the driveway. Along the way, he sees his neighbor Juan washing his car*
Nadeem - Hello Neighgbor Juan!
*And Nadeem attempted to pedal up to Juan*
Juan - Oh, bien. You've seen me.
*Nadeem peers into a cradle next to Juan*
Nadeem - And is this little Juanita? Can you say sexy nLgga? Can you say sexy nLgga? Sexy NLgga!
Juan - You stay away from her! Everything you touch turns gay!
*And Juan goes inside his house. Nadeem looks back in the cradle only to see Juan's head where Juanita's head should be*
Juan(ita) - Nadeeeeemmmm...have the sexy nLgga sex with me.
*Nadeem is now hypnotized*
Nadeem - I will have the sex with you Juan...
*Juan's head is now surrounded by sexy nLggas*
Juan(ita) - Come to me now Nadeem!
*And Nadeem leaps in the crade and goes to work. Juan hears Juanita crying and bursts out to see him*
Nadeem - Juanjuanjuanjuanjuanjuanjuanjunajuan!
*Juan grabs the cross on his necklace*
Juan - Forgive me Father. Via Con Dios!
*And Juan commences to beating the tar out of Nadeem*
Nadeem - No, Juan, I did not mean it, I thought it was you!
*Juan then commences to hitting Nadeem harder*
Nadeem - No, I meant I love nLggas! I meant I love nLggaaaaaaaaaaas!!!!!!!!!!!!
|
|
|
|
Post by SoulOfEdge on Nov 20, 2005 12:02:57 GMT -5
*It was midnight in Juan's backyard. Not a creature was stirring, except for one. One who was creeping along as quietly as he could until he stepped on some broken glass*
Nadeem - Ow! nLgganLgga...
*Nadeem creeps up to Juan's second story window. He's wearing a toy sombrero and Juan's underwear while holding a jack in the box*
Nadeem - Sexy Juaaaaannnnnn!
*Juan opens his window up*
Juan - LEAVE!
Nadeem - No, Juan, wait! I must sing my sexy song for you!
*And Nadeem starts playing his jack in the box and singing*
Nadeem - Una mas cervesa, por favor, sexy Juan! Una mas cervesa, por favor, sexy Juaaaannnn!
*At this time, the jack in the box opens, smacking Nadeem in the face and sending him stumbling back. Juan hurls a cinder block out the window which levels Nadeem in the face, knocking him out*
|
|
|
|
Post by SoulOfEdge on Nov 21, 2005 10:27:22 GMT -5
*It was nighttime. The place was well known to almost every high school student. Lookout Point. That common staple of high school. And the tradition was going to continue as a nLgga pulled up to the point with his date for the night. But as the nLgga was setting the mood, they did not notice something small peek in, look shocked and run off*
NLgga - Aight, girl, you ready to do this?
*But just as they're about to start, a siren sounds off in the distance as blue lights flash*
NLgga - Oh shit!
*The girl looks out the window*
Girl - How come he's so short?
*The nLgga looks out the window*
NLgga - Oh, no...
*Suddenly, small plastic baseball bat taps the window. The window rolls down to show Nadeem in a policeman's hat. Nadeem looks around inside the car*
Nadeem - You have a license to operate that nLgga?
Girl - You don't need a license for this!
Nadeem - Operating a nLgga without a license, HM? I'll have to take this nLgga into custody!
*The nLgga stands in ront of Nadeem. Nadeem takes his hand and begins to walk off*
Nadeem - Do not worry, nLgga. Everything will be All Sexy!
*But as Nadeem tries to pull the nLgga away, the nLgga does not move. Nadeem looks shocked*
Nadeem - No, nLgga nLgga! You must come with me!
NLgga - What the f*** are you doing Lil Bitch?!
Nadeem - No, nLgga nLgga, listen. She is trying to operate you without a license! LICENSE! LIIIIIIISCEEEENNNNNCEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!
Girl - Excuse me, I have my nLgga operating license right here.
*And the girl holds up a piece of paper with "NLgga Operating License: Does Not Expire" Written on it. Nadeem takes the license and looks distressed*
Nadeem - No! This license is not valid!
*Seeing his chance, the nLgga jumps into the car and locks both doors*
NLgga - Damn, you smart girl! Here, drink this!
*ANd he dumps a bottle of Don Juan down her throat while fast forwarding through a Luther Vandross song*
NLgga - Okay, let's go!
*And they get to it with Nadeem looking in the window*
Nadeem - NLGGANLGGANLGGANLGGANLGGANLGGANLGGANLGGA! Calling all cars! I need backup! BAAAAACKUUUUUUP!
*The backup Nadeem so desperately need would never come, because 1) Nadeem was not a real cop, 2) Real cops would not reapond mto a girl operating a sexy nLgga without a license, and 3) Nadeem was calling for backup over a shoe.
|
|
|
|
Post by S*O*E on Dec 21, 2005 16:07:36 GMT -5
*kicks MNINYN in the nads for stealing my name*
|
|
|
|
Post by Guesst on Apr 21, 2007 6:44:17 GMT -5
You love him
|
|
